i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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