just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
