TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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