so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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