is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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