He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
