You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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