My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
