In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
