You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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