Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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