She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
