I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
