Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
