actually, I'm a sock model
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
