I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
