God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
