dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
