well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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