I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
