and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
