she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
