Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
