i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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