shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
