i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
