you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
