She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
