I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
