i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
