please come you make the beer taste better
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
