I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
