did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
