I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
