Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
