He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
