So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
