Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Welp...herpes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
