you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
