I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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