loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
