How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
