Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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