we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
