At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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