I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
