You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
