Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
