I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
