also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
