My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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