Please, let me fuck your mom
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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